You can’t talk about gender equality in the workplace without addressing parental leave. In Denmark, parental leave is by default split equally between the parents, with flexibility to adjust the arrangement to fit individual needs. But what does this look like in practice? How do parents prepare for such a transformative period, and what happens when it’s time to return to work?
We sat down with Ina Köller and Henrik Gadegaard, two Valconeers who recently returned from parental leave, to hear their stories. Ina, a principal consultant specialising in low-code solutions, is the mother of a one-and-a-half-year-old daughter. Henrik, an associate partner with over a decade of experience in management consulting, is the father of a one-year-old son. Their experiences offer a glimpse into the joys, challenges and lessons learned as working first-time parents.
Preparing for parental leave: Guesswork and gut feelings
When planning his parental leave, Henrik was certain of one thing: he wanted to take as much time as possible. “I was pretty certain that I wanted to take a long leave,” he says. “I was the last in my friend group to have kids, so I could learn from their experiences. I saw how those who didn’t take much leave regretted it, while those who took longer were happy with their decision. That made it easy to create a leave plan. My girlfriend and I agreed to divide the leave as equally as possible.”
Ina found the planning process more complex. “There are so many rules and conditions to consider, and you have to decide who takes which weeks and when,” she explains. “And it’s hard to estimate how much time you’ll need or want with the baby before the baby is even born. You take a guess and hope it feels right when the time comes.
Ina and her wife, Charlotte, had planned to split their parental leave equally, while also giving Ina, the birthing mother, a little additional time at home. “I took the full amount of paid weeks, plus a couple of extra months of unpaid leave,” she explains. “It was a mutual decision. By taking some unpaid leave, we avoided cutting into Charlotte’s time, so she could also enjoy her full leave at home with our daughter.” They also had a month of overlapping leave to spend time together as a family.
The surprises of parental leave: Time flies, but some nights don’t end
When asked about surprises during their leave, Henrik shared a familiar sentiment. “The biggest surprise was how quickly time flew by,” he says. “My girlfriend and I had eight weeks of overlap, but it just disappeared. Then I was on my own with my son, and before I knew it, it was time to go back to work. It went by so fast, but I’m glad I took a long leave. It was the right decision, especially the time I had alone with the baby.”
Ina’s experience was a bit more nuanced. “Time felt more complex,” she says. “Some nights felt endless, especially with a baby who wouldn’t sleep. At the same time, the months went by quickly. Everyone says it’s really hard to become parents, and while you believe them, you can’t imagine just how hard it is without experiencing it for yourself – but of course, the joys make up for a lot of it!”
Returning to work: From baby brain to business brain
The transition back to work is a significant milestone for any parent.
“Your brain works differently when you’re on leave,” Henrik reflects. “It was an adjustment to focus again, but I was also eager to return. It was nice to feel that I missed the intellectual stimulation – even though I hadn’t noticed it while at home.”
When Ina returned to work, her wife was still at home with their daughter. “It was comforting to know they were enjoying themselves at home,” she says. “But when Charlotte also returned to work, it hit differently – it was surprisingly tough. Two full-time jobs and a child in childcare require a lot of planning to make everything work.”
Henrik agrees, adding, “Once both parents are back at work, it becomes like a factory. You have to create schedules and plan everything. It’s a whole new level of coordination.”
Balancing work and family life: The art of scheduling
How do they manage to balance careers and family responsibilities? For both Henrik and Ina, the answer lies in meticulous planning.
“Scheduling is key,” Henrik says. “We do strict planning and prioritisation. We’ve created a fixed schedule of who picks up and who drops off every day. Each Sunday, we sit down and review the plan, adjusting it if there are any changes.”
Ina nods in agreement. “Same here. We’ve agreed in advance who drops off and who picks up – and if anything comes up, we help each other out.”
But even with a solid plan, challenges remain. “The biggest challenge is that there’s never enough time,” Ina admits. “Being a parent takes a lot of time, and you also need to sleep and work. When do you relax, spend time as a couple, or have time for yourself, friends and family? What about exercise?”
Henrik adds: “If I want time for myself, I sometimes get up super early in the morning,” he says. “But every choice is a trade-off – prioritising one thing means deprioritising something else. And with a small baby, you don’t always get to make choices for yourself.”
Ina sums it up with a smile: “The whole thing is like project planning. The main stakeholder is the baby, and the other stakeholders are yourselves and the grandparents.”
Support from Valcon: Flexibility and understanding
Both Henrik and Ina were happy with the support they received from Valcon during this period.
“After returning to work, I reached out to colleagues with kids to get advice and tips,” Ina says. “Overall, there’s a sense of support and flexibility.”
Henrik shares a specific example: “At first, we couldn’t find a daycare spot for my son. During that period, I made an agreement with my manager to work from home. That made for a smooth adjustment.”
Advice for future parents: Plan, prioritise and be kind to yourself
Finally, we asked what advice they would give to others preparing for parental leave or returning to work.
“Take as much time as you can,” Henrik says. “Don’t spend all your time together – have a small overlap, but also prioritise alone time with the baby. Before the last person returns to work, sit down and make a plan for how the week will look and align expectations. And prepare to make compromises.”
Ina agrees. “We only made a plan after we started work, and that was difficult. It helps to have a default plan to reduce the need for constant planning. Other than that, my advice would be to prioritise your time – it’s limited, so make sure to focus on what’s most important – including yourself.”
Want to know more about Women at Valcon? Take a read here.
